AUGUST 27—Meteorologists around the world today are reporting a stunning weather development: Hell has frozen over.
The Weather Channel, first to report the climate change, noted that it occurred at precisely 7:46 AM Eastern Standard Time, leaving Hell, once the hottest place in the universe, solidly encased in ice.
Scrambling to determine what could have caused Hell’s temperature to plunge 3000 degrees in a matter of seconds, scientists traced the deep freeze back to a 10-year-old boy in Orlando. Apparently the child admitted his mother was “right.” Hell froze instantly.
“I’m as stunned as everyone,” said the boy’s still visibly shaken mother. “It was about 7:45 AM. He was getting dressed for school and couldn’t find a sock. I merely suggested that he look in his blankets. He found the sock, then boom! He said it. You were right, Mommy. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I’m stunned. Just stunned.”
Climatologists are uncertain about the longterm effects of this dramatic temperature shift, but there is concern that we could experience a global ice age if more children begin conceding that their moms and dads are right. “It could be a planet killer,” said Herzog Werner, PhD, of the World Meteorological Organization in Geneva.
American meteorologists dismissed that prediction as unduly alarmist. “This is a freak occurrence, like a thousand-year storm or an asteroid strike,” assured atmospheric scientist Rob Blattner, PhD, of the National Weather Service in Silver Spring, Maryland. “We’re not going see another kid admitting their parent is right. It’s just not going to happen.”
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