Dear School Families,
The directors and teachers and volunteers and all of the other custodians of your children’s welfare and education here at Your School want to extend the warmest of holiday wishes and seasons greetings to your family, whether you are celebrating Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Sol Invictus, Hogmanay, Tet, Chinese New Year, Mawlid al-Nabi, Boxing Day, Saint Lucia Day, the Winter Solstice … or any other winter holidays we couldn’t find on Google and Wikipedia.
As you partake in your family’s celebrations, we ask that you pause to remember the “reason for the season” — to ring up your credit cards and tap out your 401K so you can give generously to those who need it most. And in that divine spirit of giving, Your School is thrilled to announce the launch of our CAPITAL CAMPAIGN to fund the expansion of our NAKED MOLE RAT HABITAT.
Under the direction of the State Foundation for the National Association of the Brotherhood for the Protection of Naked Mole Rats, Your School plans to extend our naked mole rat tunnel system out of the biology lab and through the cafeteria and into the teachers lounge. We are quite excited about this undertaking as the addition of 3,000 feet to our current naked mole rat habitat — which will give our habitat a grand total of 4,500 feet — will secure Your School’s position as the proud guardians of the LARGEST naked mole rat habitat in the district. We are proud to say that this means Your School’s naked mole rat habitat will surpass the naked mole rat habitat at Directed Dreams Learning Matrix by a whopping 350 feet (an achievement that you will be hearing a lot more about as the open enrollment process begins early next year). With your generous donations, we will be well on our way to becoming the premier naked mole rat-focused charter school in the state!
As an extra added bonus, our habitat expansion plans include converting the teachers lounge into a “dark zone” so that our nocturnal pals can be observed in action during school hours. This will ensure that our learning community will enjoy ample time to absorb all the wonder of our wriggly little charges. Our teachers are absolutely thrilled with the additional educational opportunities that converting their lounge will provide. But since we didn’t want to leave the teachers without a space of their own, the PTO is generously supplying a picnic table on the lower elementary pod playground where the teachers can retreat for quiet lesson planning.
If it’s remotely possible, we have even more exciting news! Early concerns about how we would populate such a large habitat have been completely eliminated since Doughball (featured in our newsletter this month!) and Eraser started mating! This serendipitous situation has also led to some truly magical conversations in the upper elementary pod, creating the ideal segue to our fifth grade Health Education unit. Be prepared for thoughtful and thorough questioning from your children on this topic.
And on the topic of delightful children’s conversations, many of our younger students have expressed concern that our “naked” mole rat friends might be cold without fur or clothing. Of course, our furless friends are fully protected inside their $500,000 habitat (Note to Accounting: That is a rough order of magnitude, and we do anticipate costs to be higher). But to ease our children’s fears, Pachabel Wilton’s grandma has graciously volunteered to teach the Kindie classes how to crochet. This season, our Kindies will be hard at work during their Art modules, crocheting little blankets and sweaters for our naked mole rat friends. Best of all, these items can be repurposed as doll clothes to be showcased in our upcoming silent auction! Where some in our community may see a “sweat shop,” we see a fine-motor-skills activity that doubles as a lesson in entrepreneurship. So, thank you, Mrs. Wilton!
Of course, to make all of these wondrous things happen for our students and our naked mole rat pals, we need your continually stepped-up support. Our donation goal this year is $250 per student. For a little more than the price of eight weeks worth of Starbucks venti peppermint caramel mocha lattes or a round-trip ticket to the Bahamas during hurricane season, you can give a naked mole rat the gift of a lifetime. So please give generously. (And if you have siblings in school, we are counting on you to give twice as much since your family will undoubtedly reap double the enjoyment from our naked mole rat friends.)
To get those donations rolling in, Your School’s PTO is privileged to have Steed and Plumeria’s Mom, Amynda Hornblather (who was known as “the fundraising force majeur” back in her PR days), spearheading this all-important fundraiser. Her first order of business: Establish a Kickstarter campaign at Kickstarter.com/YOUR-SCHOOLS-Naked-Mole-Rats-Need-You.
Says Amynda Hornblather: “I so appreciate the opportunity to give back to our school community. And Parents, as fundraising chair, I promise to reach far and touch frequently. Our Kickstarter campaign will expand our reach exponentially, so I urge each and every one of you to think outside the box and share our campaign’s donation link — Kickstarter.com/YOUR-SCHOOLS-naked-mole-rats-need-you. Share it with your family and friends and their families and friends and their families and friends. Share it with your coworkers, your fraternity/sorority brethren, former teachers, skincare consultants, Pilates and yoga instructors, those people whose names you don’t know but who you see everyday on commuter train, local wine merchants (they OWE you, right?!?), and even strangers you meet in the checkout line while doing your Christmas shopping. (I hope no one is offended that I said Christmas, but that’s what we celebrate in our house.) Anyway, who doesn’t love naked mole rats, so please give generously!”
As we kick off our Kickstarter campaign — click here to donate: Kickstarter.com/YOUR-SCHOOLS-Naked-Mole-Rats-Need-You — the PTO is asking all of our families to post status updates and tweet about our progress. Daily emails and hourly social media updates are a great way to penetrate the hearts and minds of your extended network. Be sure to LIKE our Naked Mole Rats Facebook page and follow our Naked Mole Rat Twitter feed, @nakedmolerats. Plus, our new Rat Cam will provide hours of downloadable video, perfect for pinning to our Love Those Naked Mole Rats Pinterest page!
And in case you missed the last three links, the link to donate is: Kickstarter.com/YOUR-SCHOOLS-Naked-Mole-Rats-Need-You. Keep in mind, Your School also accepts in-kind donations as well as Moley Bob’s Animal Hut gift cards. And remember, if you’re in need of volunteer hours, feeding our naked mole rats and shoveling out their habitat is a wonderful way to earn your hours and commune with nature!
PLEASE GIVE TODAY! Our naked mole rats depend on it. And so does our endowment.
Happy _____________ (insert your preferred seasonal sign-off here!)
Your School Faculty