We are beyond thrilled to share our interview with the Honest Toddler today. If you aren’t yet familiar, Honest Toddler speaks the truth of the under-3 set through hilarious blog posts and the funniest twitter feed on the planet. Go check it out. We’ll wait.
With a new book, The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting, coming out this May (you can order it here) we were very fortunate to grab a few minutes of Honest Toddler’s time.
Science of Parenthood: Honest Toddler, in a short time, you’ve become the voice of the 2T generation. When coupled with fending off forced attempts at potty training and mentions of preschool, how do you handle such an extreme amount of pressure?
Honest Toddler: *blank stare*
Science of Parenthood: Ummmm… <shuffles papers>… It seems that parents believe that they can get a lot past their toddlers these days, assuming they won’t notice or care; poorly executed snacks, not-red drinks, the list goes on. You’ve been a vehement voice opposing this attitude. What do you believe is to blame for this lack of parental focus and what can we do to correct the situation?
Honest Toddler: *blank stare*
SOP: Ok, let’s turn the TV off for a minute…. that’s better! Now then, let’s try this a different way… Why do you think toddlers are consistently subjected to “down” when “up” is clearly superior?
Honest Toddler: Pinterest
SOP: Oh, so you know about Pinterest? Heh, heh. Well, nothing gets past you, does it?? Ha ha… Moving on… I’d like to touch on a topic close to your heart: Infant Sibling Disease. How can we stop the madness?
Honest Toddler: Parents need to be stopped from being alone. That is a toddler’s first line of defense against ISB.
SOP: Yes, that would definitely take a bite out of the problem… I understand you’ve personally experienced some close brushes with infants. What was that like?
Honest Toddler: I’m not intimidated by infants as most of them have none of the four senses.
SOP: The four…? Ah, I see… You’ve noted that typically loving parents often turn hostile and impatient late at night. Do you believe wine and secret snacks are to blame?
Honest Toddler: Wine and secret snacks definitely play a part but American Idol and Homeland have also become dangerous addictions that hurt toddlers around the world.
SOP: <vigorous nodding> Oftentimes perfect park outings are tainted with “opportunities to practice sharing.” Where are parents picking up these misguided impulses?
Honest Toddler: Again, Pinterest, but this is mostly just caused by bad information being spread on sites like Facebook. The Berenstain Bears books are not helping.
SOP: Those bears are pretty aggressive about sharing, aren’t they? <pauses> Just in case it ever comes up, I’d say don’t try to share anything with a bear. Moving on… Have you found any loopholes in the limited number of grandmas each toddler is assigned?
Honest Toddler: I have and this is a very exciting development. The more grandmas the better, but as long as a toddler has one who understands the importance of baked goods, all should be fine.
SOP: Word association time! What do you think of when I say the following words: Quinoa…
Honest Toddler: Fire.
Honest Toddler: Beautiful, Excitement, Running
SOP: Big Bed…
Honest Toddler: Community
Honest Toddler: Confused
SOP: Well done! Try this, finish the following sentence: “Not now, mommy’s__________________________”?
Honest Toddler: Busy looking at pictures of lemon bars and wavy hair on Pinterest. 🙁
SOP: Pinterest, got it <underlines “Pinterest” multiple times in notes>. Last question: If you could speak personally to Santa, one on one, what would you say?
Honest Toddler: Santa knows how much I love him but I would just like to add that you can’t believe everything you hear and I believe hidden cameras are illegal.
SOP: That they are, that they are. Thank you so much for chatting with me today! I’ll go tell your mommy that we are all done… Oops, she’s still on the computer… how ’bout we turn that TV back on?
Thanks so much to Honest Toddler for taking the time to play with us! Be sure to look for The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting coming out this May (you can order it here)