Can we all agree: Homework is HELL. Raise your hand if you DREAD it each night. Can someone please explain why the volume of our children’s homework directly impacts OUR stress levels? And when did THEIR homework slide onto OUR plates?
There was a reason we didn’t have homework back when we were kids, till we reached fourth grade. BECAUSE KIDS CAN’T DO IT ALONE before then. And as we know, anything a kid’s gotta do, mom’s gotta be sitting right next to them, doing it too. Which is why our school weeks look like this:
Mom’s Homework Log:
Monday: Beginning at 3:30pm, wrestle your first grader to the ground in preparation for his “twenty minutes” of reading. Fight the urge to scream, “FOCUS!!” one thousand times in a row as he interrupts himself in the middle of every other sentence to tell you something about a TV show. Fight the urge to storm out of the room after one hour. Plan for this twenty-minute task to take a minimum of two hours.
Tuesday: If your third grader has two math sheets comprised of twenty basic arithmetic review problems and five word problems, how many times will she cry, “This is baby work!” followed by, “I don’t get it! This is too hard!!”? Trick question! Receive an email from her teacher alerting you that she hasn’t handed in her math homework for the past three weeks, which you then find crumpled under her bed. Vow to redouble your homework espionage.
Wednesday: Your first grader has had two weeks to complete his “About Me” poster, complete with extended family photos, family tree and a personal essay. It is due tomorrow. He mentions it at 8pm.
Thursday: Your fifth grader’s science fair project is due in one week. While he has actually completed the written assignment all by himself (hallelujah!), the project will require supply-gathering trips to the Petco, Home Depot, Staples, Michael’s Craft store, Target, and the local dump. Complete these trips today during the brief window your preschooler is actually IN school, between 9am and 11:15am.
Friday: Relax! It’s Friday! Of course there’s that report on the Federal Reserve due for your third grader’s Great American Economy Pageant next week. Better get crackin’.
Saturday Extra Credit (not!!): Today you are snack mom for your preschooler’s nut-free, processed sugar-free playgroup at 10am. You are also snack mom for your daughter’s gluten-free, dairy-free basketball game at 2pm. You are ALSO snack mom for your son’s nut-free, sugar-free, dye-free, gluten-free, soy-free scout meeting at 4pm. This will require making stops at four different grocery stores before 9am. No problem, you’ve been up since 5am!